

Views from the Toilets Adjacent #1
There was much to admire about the Horsham fans who graced Champion Hill during the Merryneum. While their club colours wouldn’t be out of place at the troublesome end of Dr Heaton's Bristol Chart, their ultras wore the livery with elan, turned up in numbers, and were lusty of voice throughout. Moreover, and unusually, they made no claims to be brobdingnagian on their travels. All to their credit I thought.
I had a good few conversations with members of the Dijon and Avocado Army too. The trick I find is to establish a common bond with the away supporter that leaves them positively inclined towards mutually rewarding intercourse on the terraces. This time I was able to break the ice by noting that the best dog I ever had was from Horsham. Despite being as thick as a Boxing Day evacuation, Ballysloe Jack was I asserted the finest of curs, up there with Gellert, Hachiko or Greyfriars Bobby. Indeed I still kept his ashes under my bed. I could tell they were moved by my panegyric because they listened silently and slack-jawed before moving away. However while all of this was said in good faith, and my intentions were entirely honourable, I have realised subsequently that in fact Ballysloe Jack hailed from a greyhound rescue kennel near Hersham and my wife (a southerner) tells me that is a different town. So I would like to record here formally my apology to any Horsham fan that feels misled by what I said in any way. It could have been worse because, had they not disappeared so swiftly, I was about to bang on about Jimmy Pursey and how the Horsham Ultras should in his honour adopt a nice baggy off-ankle cord and moc toe Red Wings as their common garb. They’d look like The Rabble come to think about it.
1-1 was a fair result I thought. First half I was sure we were going to be manshamed by our opponents. And then we equalised at the cusp of half-time before ending the match looking like we might prig a spawny goal late on. Not to be for Hamlet though. Discounting recent defeats against Sporting Bengal, Chatham and Enfield, that's eleven games unbeaten.
Today we welcome Hashtag United, who have kicked on a bit better than us since our Bishop Desmond of a season opener. I was pondering our opponents while desperately trying to get this article up to the requested five hundred words and it struck me there is something unique about their club badge. Can you tell what it is yet? Well yes, my research (ten minutes on Google) indicates it is the only football club badge featuring an abstract object that is drawn in perspective. There are a few animals (Millwall’s lion, Preston’s lamb), draped flags (Real Sociedad) and buildings (Halesowen FC) that have an element of perspective. But damned if I can find any that avail themselves so clearly of a vanishing point. I might ask Paul from the Supporter’s Trust because he well geeks out about this stuff. Up The Hamlet.